*Frunny = funny + frightening
1. There is a huge void in my life now that season 5 of Dancing With the Stars is over. The new season of Project Runway doesn't even make up completely for the emptiness that I'm feeling.
2. This week, our office held its annual holiday party. Except that it was not called a holiday party. The Powers That Be decided that our celebration shall henceforth be known as a "thank you luncheon" because the word "holiday" is too politically incorrect and offensive to those who do not celebrate the holidays. During the event, everybody knew deep down that we were celebrating the holidays.
3. My 60-year-old father received a coupon for Victoria's Secret in the mail recently. He has never once set foot in a Victoria's Secret store, nor does he plan to in the future.
4. I can't think of a single thing that I want for Christmas. I was asked to come up with a list, but my mind is actually drawing a complete blank. This is a first for me, and I don't think I like it.
5. Some bitch in a Jeep Cherokee rear-ended my new car at a red light. We pulled over, and as we were inspecting the damage to my bumper, she said, "I think those scratches were there before I hit you." And she would know because...?
6. I received a spam message the other day from "Lt. Holloway" of the U.S. Army. He wanted me to safeguard a hoard of cash that he found in an abandoned building in Iraq. "This may sound illegal to you," he wrote, "but I have suffered so much to protect your freedom that I thought you might be willing to help me."
7. As my mother and her coworker were leaving their office building to go on their lunch break, they saw two people having sex in the parking garage. It was 40 degrees outside, yet the man had his pants around his ankles and the woman had no pants whatsoever. My mother's coworker took a picture on her camera phone, and the couple was completely oblivious to the fact that they were being watched. This story is even better if only you knew where my mother works -- let's just say she works at a county-run organization for children.
As you can see, the trite phrase "there's never a dull moment" doesn't even BEGIN to sum up my life over the past few weeks.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
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3 comments:
1. Will you blog more now?
2. Mine was called a Christmas Lunch. We loved it.
3. You sure about that?
4. How about me? That is if you can't think of anything else.
5. You should've slashed her tires.
6. Hell yeah, I'd do it. Give him my email.
7. Why can't that happen at my work?
WOW. Where do I start?
Was the fornicating couple in a car, or just standing in a parking space?
Also, here's a gift idea: Coach Holiday Patchwork gallery tote. If you don't like it, I'll send you my address. ;)
Hmm, a Matt and a Coach Holiday Patchwork bag -- both would make excellent Christmas presents! I can't believe I didn't think of those before. I'll add them to my list stat.
Thanks for still reading, Matt and Liz. I'm amazed that people still keep tabs on me because I've been so delinquent lately. I hope to start updating on a regular basis pretty soon.
Liz, the woman was in the passenger's seat of a car, and the man was, umm, standing there with the door wide open.
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